SO THE UK IS A DEMOCRACY......... RIGHT?

Yeah so it's been a few weeks since I last wrote anything, but hey I've been pretty busy with stuff which has largely consisted of lying on the couch watching films and buying jackets off EBay, all of which are excellent by the way. I even bled my central heating which was absolutely wizard fun and I can't wait to do it again there was enough air in it to pop the Hindenburg and it also gave the house a beautiful musk of stagnant water with a pinch of metallic in it, it smelled like a tramps oaty choad. That smell only lasted a few hours though which was disappointing but if anyone from Glade is reading if you could get that smell and make it into Plug In you could sell it under the name of "L'eau du squat." Or put it in your Christmas range as "Excuse Grandma I Think She's Been Eating Burnt Grass Again."

So I never usually bother about politics mainly as I have no interest in it and what ever goes on never has really affected me directly. But a few things have been bothering me of late and it's generally based around local government. Now in the UK we have a number of things that I think are a fantastic, the NHS for example, people whinge about it but take it from me it is ace and I've lived in countries that don't have provision for health care and it's expensive and crap. Our armed forces....... But that's about it.

I can't bear to watch the news anymore as all it is filled with is scandal and squabbles of our confused and unwilling compressed two party Government each side of it pulling back on the promises it made in the election race on a daily basis like petulant children trying weedle out of housework after having an extended go on the PS3. Or something else about a party member that's been getting his jolly's in some botting bogs on Clapham Common or some other old shite that just makes me want to shout, " FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK OFF," at the screen continually until I get bored then go out and do it at passing cars.

Democracy is generally defined as a form of government in which all adult citizens have an equal say in the decisions that affect their lives.^[1] Ideally, this includes equal (and more or less direct) participation in the proposal, development and passage of legislation into law.^[1] It can also encompass social, economic and cultural conditions that enable the free and equal practice of political self-determination.

So back to local councils as they really are as in the wise words of Frank Gallagher, "Right Fucking Shit." And they really are, staffed by spastics, run by spastics and represented by spastics. I have an ongoing issue with my council tax, I paid too much, it was then applied to the wrong account then it was a massive pain in the arse the get put right which climaxed with me sending them a solicitors letter after a bailiff popped round to the house for non payment of said paid council tax, then I got a call a few weeks back to say the matter is in hand and some apologies but as of yet no money back.

Now it isn't this issue that bothers me any more it's the actual amount of council tax that I pay. Never noticed it before as it's just one of those things that you just pay once every few months or once a year and it's never at a time when your short either usually March or after. This year my bill was £1180.00. I've looked everywhere on Carlisle City Councils website and it doesn't give me a definitive answer of where that goes. Now I know everyone says that it goes on local amenities like parks, road sweeping, upkeep of the roads, refuse collection, the police, the fire service, parking enforcement and funeral services and graveyards.

Well that may be true at least partially, the Police and roads and the lions share of the Fire Service is funded through our income tax, road duty and other income sources and the parking enforcement now in our town has been contracted out in the most part to Pirates and Highway men and Guerrillas and other private companies. So I look back through the year and really the only thing I have have used this year is the refuse collection, I haven't been through a park or even died last time I noticed but even if I do die I have a policy that will take care of all that side of it anyway.

Now to me £1180.00 on getting my bins tipped into a wagon once a fortnight I think is a bit steep. That works out at £47.20 a visit taking into account that they only collect them 25 times a year as they get a week off at Christmas and you don't get your rubbish picked up for a month after you've consumed more in that 3 week period than at any other time of the year. That however is not taking into the account the times they haven't taken it when the lid has been slightly ajar on the wheelie bin. Or the time when I rang and asked if there was anything they could do to help me with a large amount of garden waste I had as I had cut some trees down and wouldn't fit in the bin. They said no as if it didn't fit in the bin it's classed as commercial waste but I could take it to the tip, where they turned us away as we went in a van.

Now the way I see it is if I could opt out of that altogether I could rent  a limo for £27.55 an hour once a fortnight and get that to take me to the tip and back. I could get a black stretch one and spend the journey back standing out the sunroof pretending to be a plane or just winding down the blacked out windows at traffic lights and treating pedestrians to a display of my naked genitals. But really I don't think I'll be able to opt out as we as the electing members of our democratic society are not allowed to wince on our "Promise" to pay it like our elected government are seemingly allowed to wince out of their "Promises" on a regular basis ever since they got into office.

But this isn't going to stop me from having a bit of fun with next years bill. When I get it I'll return it with a counter offer written in green crayon and in a child's writing as I deem that to be the recipients intellectual level and await the reply, then I'll carry this on for as long as I can; obviously changing the colour of crayon so it keeps it all happy and light hearted. Then when they get get really pissy send them a legal document agreeing only to pay if they can provide me with a weekly status report of where my tax payment is being spent, which I've been told you apparently can do but could be a load of bollocks but I do have a couple of months to research this.

But if they do agree to that I'd like the report to be hand delivered and written on bog roll in brown crayon.

COR! It's only 6 weeks to Christmas!


SAFE YEAH!.....................