LIFE EH?............. WELL NOW I THINK ABOUT IT IT'S ACTUALLY QUITE GOOD!

So here we are in the twilight of another year, October yeah. The nights are drawing in, it's pissing down with rain, frosts are coming, heating bills are going to go through the roof, your mortgage payments change notification will come through the post in the next couple of months........... possibly... mine always have done any way, Christmas is coming and if you work in retail it's an awful build up to a crescendo of increased targets and Christmas songs piped into your mind from now........ till mid January...... Nightmare?

Is it though?......... Well no is it bollocks, this is my favourite time of year and always has been if you went back to 1983 now you would see a big fat mess of a kid crooning over a tin of biscuits with the dogs at my feet looking a bit confused. See the tin wasn't full of biscuits...... it was... was..... full of ....... FIREWORKS.................... BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! Back then you could only buy fireworks during a short window of the year between October and Bonfire Night and even though they were on the whole made by Standard and pretty shit me mum used to let me spend my pocket money on one box a week and save them in a big tin....... there was and still is something magical about this even though they looked like this.

Really quite shit. There weren't that many bangs and squeals and stars in 1983 and the highlight of any home display was a rocket that just went up out of a corporation milk bottle and a the ones generally left at the end in the box that even i wasn't bothered about was a Mount Vesuvius or a Sparkle Diamond that just made me Mum go, "Ooooooooh." By the time of the evening they came out I was too off my face on treacle toffee and parkin to bother about fireworks.

Mind you I do have one memory when I was four my Grandma was round for a display but didn't like the cold so was sat inside; she must have been 80 then and we let a rocket off from a corporation milk bottle and it fell over and shot in the house and the dog chased it and we got worried about the dog. We found the dog but couldn't find Grandma all i remember seeing is this 

???

I thought the rocket had taken her to heaven. It hadn't she was having an old lady poo in the upstairs bog and she didn't like wiping her bum with avocado coloured toilet roll...... hey it was the early eighties and avocado was cool. Anyway this was the dog, she were called Penny.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh doggy!.... yeah she's dead now but she did live till she was 14 and that actually isn't a picture of her its a pic Helen the dog I had in Germany but looked the same ish! 

So back to the title of this post, I like this time of year, not for the previous but mainly as I like the cold coming in and the weather changing. I can get my coats out and wrap up warm and look foreword to Christmas..... I get really giddy! I missed this part last year as I was wandering round drawing on my face in Biro and feeling sorry for myself with a fractured skull, memory loss and deaf and full of revenge and hate after getting bounced by a bunch of pikeys for fun. But then I lost most of the year on that and feeling sorry for myself. But I had a trip to the docs a few weeks back to whinge about summit and it not often I go and it turns out I'm a bit diabetic. so fast forward a few weeks and I feel like a million quid, back to my usual self and I have started to look at my life.

Yeah everything is good and even though it's not idyllic I wouldn't do anything to change the last 4 years. I have the best friends you could wish and care for and enjoy going to work every day. Yeah I haven't got a Mrs at the minute but mind you I never seem to get that one right which is always a mixture of fate and pure idiocy but hey its something I'll work on. 

So look at you own lives you'll probably find something  you like in it and at the end of it not having a poo in a avocado bathroom in the early 80's 

Enjoy YEAH!!

A NEW DAY

Please watch the video its very nice.. Today is the tenth anniversary of the day I lost the most special person to me ever. She can never come back or ever exist again and I think about her every day and how happy she made me by smiling.

laters YEAH.

YEAH I'M A DOG YEAH!!!

Yeah..... remember in my last post I mentioned doing a jacket twirl in front of my fit Bollywood doctor, It was really awful but in the words of my good friend Lizzie, "I thought I'd let you talk to her 'cos you like 'em  foreighn."

But I am classic arsehole a slightly non English accent and brown eyes and a tan and I'll probably give you my house! This is the song that was going through my head at the time.

Saying that it been going through my head every time I've spoke to a woman since I first heard it in 1981. Sorry Lisa Isquerdo I was powered by Carl Carlton when we were playing Mummies and Daddies in my bedroom in the early 80's! 

So I might go to bed now, funk up the stairs to Pick Up The Pieces, Brick House, What Ever Happened and Got To Be Real and the above! 

What do you mean I'm not black??????............................................ Does me Mum know???...............Are you sure she did call me Desmond????

LATERS YEAH enjoy the video!

ITS AN INDIAN SUMMER!

So here we are it's October and it's 70 degrees. Everyone's going on about how unusual it is and to be brutally honest I fell for that on as well but I got a new phone and been transferring pics from it and happened across this one.

Now this does look bright and chippy but that photo was taken on October 24th last year. Now on first glance it looks a bit wintery but that's me mate Dan in the photo and it was windy so he's got a wind jammer on and the glove is a fishing glove only worn on one hand so bait or fish doesn't make you scream like a girl when you touch it. Now I took the photo and if you see me all I'm wearing is my mankini as it was 74 degrees that day hence Dan's sunglasses. Plus the vision of me in my mankini, Timberlands and sunglasses scared the fish away....................... and most of the general public for that matter............... urgh the closed mind of a mis managed modern society.

So it seems that we get an Indian summer most years but we probably don't make a song and dance about it so it's not that unusual, I really look forward to it I'll wear speedo's in a snow storm. But Is this the slow rock towards a dieing Mother Earth???  Probably and I couldn't care less as it's going to take thousands of years to fuck up completely and I plus everyone I care deeply about and their offspring which I will care about by default will be dead. So as the world is torching itself in 20 million or when ever it happens Ill be nice and deadish in the family plot listening to Moon Safari by Air in repeat by a hope powered Discman TM. Either that or I'll defrost next to Walt Disney and have to educate him that being a woman, black or Jewish doesn't make you a second class citizen.

Cor that was a cheery start eh? It was a bit dark but I'm actually really cheery at the minute, feel like a new man. Right went to the doctors on Monday last as I'd been losing weight like crikey over the last few months and usually don't like the docs as the rare times I go they they tell me what I should be doing with my life and then ask me to fix their phone! But this time was different as I saw a new doctor and she was and still is proper fit and Indian, and really Indian she sounded like one of the BT customer service agents and looked like a Bollywood star! So said I was losing a lot of weight lost about nearly 3 stone in the last 3 months and she asked me to remove my shoes and jacket and then asked me if I was doing intentionally? I said NO don't be daft as,"I''m not mad in the head," she then giggles and says she has to ask and would I mind stepping on the scales. Right now I'm now cringing myself inside out a what i did next, I took my shoes off and stood up and in one fluid action took my jacket off and spun around like Simon Le Bon in the Girls On Film video placed my jacket on the chair with the label showing and said, " So you want me there then..... Yeah?" and then nodded and made a salute action to my eyebrow........ Yes I deserve the Prick status for that one. So anyway after a few more tests blood pressure and stuff she asked if she could examine my stomach and to take my shirt off to which I replied, " I thought you'd never ask! ha ha." Yeah she didn't find it funny, looked a bit concerned actually. So cut a long story short did that and the did a prick test for diabetes, obviously passed the prick test for being a bell end but turns out I'm a diabetic.............. fancy that!

So a new chapter to my life that is going to involve taking drugs every day............... not much of a change then really. But I've been given some interim treatment in the mean time and only been taking it since Monday avo and feel like a new man, sleeping proper, hungry again, relaxed again.............. perhaps my bald spot will grow back!

So what's happening in Carlisle then? Its Cumbria Pride today. That's a gay thing, you know how you have Manchester's Mardi Gras which looks like this:-

Cor innit busy, I've been in the middle of that melee loads of times as I'm from from Manchester and it falls around my birthday, by the way not gay especially if my fit new Indian doctors reading this as Id be Muslim for that. But Cumbria Pride looked like this.

It was in a function room in that hotel. In the early eighties judging by the photo. but met some revellers on the way home and they seemed like they enjoyed it. It was probably only quiet as a third of Carlisle's lesbian community is on holiday in Turkey at the mo!

So in a final thought going fishing on Thursday, bit dull you may think but a new mark on the coast on Cumbria has been found. It's going to involve climbing , ropes and chains to get to it. I'm excited as the last time I was involved in ropes, chains and climbing I was sporting an erection. Saying that now I'm on theses new meds I'm as horny as a teenage dog in a vets waiting room.

SEE YOU INNABIT YEAH! CLICK ON THE ADVERTS AND SEND SOME COMMENTS, I MIGHT DJ AT YOUR WEDDING!...................................... YEAH!